photo work used in the show

This is Ada Watching, which is a combination of one plain 8"x10" of Ada, an altered self-portrait (using clear acetate with paint & text on the transparency), and a double exposure of the same plain Ada image.
This is How much does Mommy Love you? which is based on a saying that I've said to Helena at bedtime since she was a baby. I ask "How much does Mommy love you? " and then answer "More than the sun, the moon, and the stars in the sky". The text in the center self-portrait is a handwritten version of that that Helena wrote to me in a letter. Also included are some of her drawings as the second image of the double exposure.

photo work not used

This is the plain version of the double exposure image that I posted earlier. I really love it even though it is not the text version (I put the text version in the show). Liam's face is so perfect, he has a serious, almost old quality that is so fitting for the images. I printed them with really strong contrast to add to the thoughtful quality. Josh felt the image wasn't super sharp but I used the widest aperture I could to ensure really shallow depth of field & focus on only the eye & face area. The text component of the double exposure image was super sharp...making it hopefully seem to overpower the image almost.
This is one of Ada that I actually ended up not using in the show. It just didn't work as well as some of the others because the bottom to the face totally disappeared.
This was the planned image of Helena with Chubby that I uploaded sketches for earlier. While I really like it, I ended up not putting this in either because Helena's image was just too blurred & had problems with dust spots.

Mother's Fear Triptych Ada

I wanted to upload one more of this image with some of the shading on the bodies & the softened edges for the "claw". I decided they were just too harsh & sharp. They work better for the piece with softer form and still appear foreboding and fierce. I've added much more color repetition in the claw form as well with more green in the top & reds in the ends.

Mother's Fear Triptych Ada

Well, I haven't upoaded about Ada from Mother's Fear in a long time & I wanted to get some of the new process stuff up. When we last saw Ada & me, Ada still didn't really have a face & my face was barely visible. The colors in the background were established but had very sharp piercing edges...
This is a close-up view of the image after I started adding more work to Ada's face. I'm adding a lot of warm tones to the flesh of both figures to make the bodies appear warm in comparison to the cold colors of the backgrounds claw shape.
More work on the hair & faces of both figures. This view is slightly distorted because it was propped up on the table. You can see the warmer red, coral colors in the bodies. I'm again dealing with the issue of not over-painting.
This image is a little too light but I'm putting it up so the background "claw-like" form is visible. I know I have to add a great deal more shading to the bodies but I hesitate to do too much as I really want the kids drawings to show. (The background for this one is made from copies of my kids drawings...clearly showing their innocence by their subjects. The claw is made up of newspaper text which relates my fears as a mother.)
This is a close-up of the faces for the piece. I decided to use this close-up as the image for my shows flier even though it isn't complete. I felt that as a process portfolio the image that was advertising the work didn't have to be finished... rather it should show the "gist" of the works. I love this section because of the text on the arm and breast area of the mother. Helena wrote it and it says "I love you more than the sun and the moon and the stars in the sky" which is a "good night" saying I've been saying to her ever since she was an infant. She wrote it on her own, asking me how to spell each word, under one of her drawings for me. The dark area on the shoulder area of my arm is a drawing she made of our van with me driving and all of the kids in the back. Naturally, we are all smiling... as are the butterflies in Ada's face.

Relationship Triptych

Here is the latest version of Disconnect. It has gone from being my least favorite image to being probably my favorite. I'm still not done with the fabric but it is well on the way.

Relationship Triptych

To see images larger click on them...Well, I've been working on Disconnect a great deal & I've gotten a lot accomplished. First, I started with the figures (see previous entry) and made a stencil for placement. Next, I've attached the newspaper text for the bottom section and something new that I'm really excited about for the top. If you recall, I really wanted maps as a symbolic element to show the "wander lust" of the male figure or the desire to be in other places. I decided to keep the same composition but use the map to try and shape a figure almost in the window. The wall section is created with colored papers that I found that are just wonderful. Kelly suggested earlier to use teas to stain papers & Karen suggested doing kind of the same thing color wise that I did with Intensity and these papers have some of those qualities. The colors they have are exactly the palette that I wanted and the imagery of old stamps & vintage travel postcards were almost too good to be true. They really add to the meaning of the work. I've limited text to the top to just key words. The bottom "fabric" area is rich with text that all deals with the woman's clinging to ideas of what was the relationship or dreams (often prompted by stereotypical definitions of the ideal relationship). The text is tinged with bits of the stamp (aka wanderlust, wanting something else) paper but is dominated by her definition of what the relationship provides. Two of the major words are safety and baby (family) with fear being hinted at throughout. I have another image of the text but it is glared... I will upload it later.
The map-man...the male figure gazes at what he is missing or could be. In case you are curious, yes the places that made up the window are significant.
The color palette of the stamps with select text for the wall section near the male.
Here are some of the fabric as it is being painted. Again, trying to find the balance of paint & transparency is a challenge. I feel as if I'm overpainting in some areas already and I just got started.
Another close-up of the fabric folds near the clinching fist of the female. The folds get less "aggressive" near the legs and the values get lighter. This is to pull the eye back to the female. Does it work? You tell me...

Mother's Fear Triptych Helena

Well, I've been working like crazy! I have made several changes to the Helena piece. I struggled a great deal with her eyes as I wanted them to appear more real & less photographed. What actually ended up helping me was an art display that a colleague, Josh, put up at school. He did a large scale photo project where he had a photographer come in and photograph 10 different students' eyes up close. His project was also about identity... or that of the students. He had them write about their experiences at EHS & then had them have their oldest living relative talk about their high school experience. The works are really beautiful and because they are so large (over 2 foot big...just the eye section) they really have given me close up views of the eyes to examine. The resulting changes are from those investigations. A big thank you goes out to Josh for his project as it has really helped me solve some of the problems this one was causing me. I tried having Helena sit still so I could just stare at her eyes & that went over, well lets just say that it didn't!
This was the way it looked in the last update...the reflections in the eyes look too perfect.
This is a more updated version of the eyes. The development of the "bad man" shadow has been started. I decided to add in the reflected shadow of a figure in her eyes...I was inspired to do this by the reflection of the photographer in Josh's images. I call it the bad man because that is what Helena talks about sometimes in our talks about her fears. She is scared a "bad man" will come and get her & I think those fears of the shadowy figure are largely shaped by the media & by parental (my) fears. I think it works as a symbolic representation of my fears of what may be out there...the unknown assailant.
View of the full work with the added shoulder. I've added lots of reds & purples to tie it to the Liam image. These colors will be connected with the fears & text & will be used in all 3 works as such.
Close-up of the eyes with the shadow figure....

More colors have been added in the eyes and the highlights have been added in multiple locations.

Relationship Triptych

This is the latest version of Disconnect with the male figure added in... I'm trying to decide if the light is too strong on the right side of the man. This image is really special to me now because somehow I talked Bill into modeling for me. It is the first time in years that he agreed to let me use him in an image. It has so much more meaning for me when he is connected to it. I like the color work... the muted colors add to the somber quality and really help with the meaning. I have to spray it now & I am so scared because the Intensity piece changed dramatically when I sprayed it.

Here is the rough layout of the males back. I started with images that I took, drew them, and then enlarged them to the size I needed. For the earlier version of this image I drew lots of variations from life first but decided to use this method in the end.

Detail of the back.

Relationship Triptych

Detail close up of the face. As I mentioned, I've decided to go more with my likeness even thought the cycle is universal. The colors are not nearly as intense as with Intensity... I want the color more grayed out and muted to match the emotional state of the figures. The fabric and wall are in production...

Below is the thigh... I've tried to be honest with size of the figures because at this stage in relationships flaws are often exaggerated or seen by the partner for the first time whereas in the Intensity phase both near perfection in the others eyes.

Close up of the face & chest area.

The image below is the first version with some areas still just blocked in grays. Inspirational images of the kids are up in the left.



Well, I'm uploading the in progress drawing for the new Disconnect and so far I am happier with it. It isn't finished & today was a catastrophe for working. I got up at 4:30 & drew for 3 hours before the kids got up which is pretty normal but I decided to try and work during nap time & things went a little crazy. Helena doesn't nap anymore & so she was painting with me while I drew. That part of it was really nice...she is old enough to work for about half an hour without getting too distracted. We talked about her paintings (she worked on birds today) and she asked why my picture looked so sad. I told her that sometimes big people are sad & sometimes they can be really happy just like little kids. She accepted that answer and then told me that she didn't like the drawing of me because I didn't have brown hair and because I put green on it (at five she is very set in her opinions and incredibly honest... she told our neighbor today that their grass was too long & that they should cut it!!). Anyway, all was going well until she came over and put her hand on the head to ask about he color of the arm.... the entire area got smeared & I had to rework it. We had a long talk about not touching Mommy's art (which we had had several times throughout the day) and I tried to pull myself together. Later she said "Mommy why did you get so mad...it is just a drawing!" She puts it all in perspective.

General comments

Also wanted to address the composition for the Disconnect piece.....Mrs. Thompson feels as I do that the composition of the leaning male with the sheet in his hand is stronger because of the "Golden Triangle" / triangular composition. Others have suggested the straight back male which as I mentioned is more emotionally what I want the work to say...I'll be honest, I still haven't 100% made up my mind. This is the hardest decision I've made in the body of work up to this point. With the Ada image Karen T. & Kelly had great ideas.... work on the hands & work on the colors near the head (green for contrast) or fade blues & greens & let the sharp edge fade in some areas.

Relationship Triptych

The following is an email conversation I've been having with Dr. Kay Wagner (aka Captain Marvel...personal joke) about the work. She has some really excellent points about the composition for the Relationship Cycle Triptych piece Disconnect... I wish I'd shown her things earlier & I may have changed the entire body of work. My responses are in italics....

I responded strongly to your Relationship Triptych. I can’t tell you how much I admire your courage in putting your work “out there” for public criticism. I took your request for comment very seriously and wanted to send it directly to you, I would love to get your response to what I have written. Kay, thank you so much for responding! I take your comments very seriously as well. Asking for comments & putting myself out there so to speak is definitely out of my comfort zone as well. I’m not sure I would ever have done such a thing if I hadn’t been required to... it is scary. You put your soul into your work & I am generally very private about it.

The concept you have chosen is daring and difficult. It requires a depth of feeling and self-exposure that many will not have the guts for. Thank you. It is easier when you don’t show it to many people. Your work has an authentic emotional content and excellent feel for composition. This is a big compliment from you... I love your photographs. Your use of color is a very compelling element. Your forms are sculptural, soft in the first and hard in the second image. I love the cubist treatment of the newspaper in the last versions of the first image. I don’t think the drapery effect of the second image works; it seems distracting. I think the horizon line is a problem in the last image. I agree. The drapery is definitely going in the next version for just this reason as you can see on the new sketches.

Depictions of human sexuality, or nudes in general, have a major pitfall:

How do we avoid objectifying the human body, depicting each individual in his or her subjective reality, uniqueness and idiosyncrasy? Both classical nudes and modern pinups share this pitfall. The human beings they depicting are objects and as such don’t demand our respect. This is so true. I read a great deal about this during my research phase... often in an attempt to fight male portrayals of the female form as an object to be gazed at female artist are portraying themselves... studying who they are & what they are by completing figurative work of their own. Here the physical imperfection piece comes into play (as I showed with Disconnect... a real woman & man once the blinders were off after the Intensity phase.) I believe that in many ways you have avoided objectifying the figures in your Triptych, though a little less physical perfection might make this stronger. To complicate matters more often the more abstract a figure is the more it becomes objectified (see some of Picasso’s cubist nudes).

In the first panel the composition is strong and the colors are especially right in the second version of the first panel, darker shadows and more visceral. The woman’s eyes are disturbing in that they seem calm or almost bored This was in an attempt to make the image less crude... she is more motherly, consumed with him & not her own pleasure.; it maybe better not to see them at all.

In the second panel, I would love to see the figures in the same positions but with the woman in front with empty arms, the man in back. Some slight movement of one of the women legs or feet to make the image less overtly sexual. This would also serve to make all the panels vertical. I like the warm colors in the first, would like to see neutral colors dominate the second and a balance of warm, cool and neutral in the third.

It might be interesting to have the third image the same as the second , with subtle shift in the limb placement. Or how about have the male figure facing the viewer in a mirror image of his current position or with his arms in the same position as hers are in the first and second. The male face would probably need to be hidden. Oh Kay! I wished I’d gotten comments from you in the thumbnail, compositional stage! These are excellent ideas that I may use for future works. The repetition of the female figure is a splendid idea...

I like the newspaper collage background very much, especially when you tint it with the images dominant color. The text is so symbolic. It adds so much to what defines & shapes our definitions of how relationships are supposed to be... we want what we are told to want. Is our happiness based on societal definitions or our own?

I have found that visual images must be conceptually deep and visually complex before I am able to make substantial comments. Your work qualifies on both accounts. I can not thank you enough for taking the time to do this.

Relationship Triptych thumbnails, sketches,....

I've been having some really good dialogs (see comments under early version image of Disconnect) with several people about the Disconnect piece & I wanted to jot down my thoughts here so everyone could see them. Sandy mentioned that the maps & color showing in them should perhaps be brought throughout the entire piece & Kelly agreed that using different papers may be a good idea. She further stated that color added by staining from things like teas may give a neat effect. Color was also an area she commented on...repetition of background colors in the figures which I strongly agree with. I've decided to incorporate different types of papers along with text in the background as a color element. I found some great maps & papers with vintage stamps & postcards on them that I am going to play with this weekend along with working on the figures...hopefully new stuff will be ready for all to see Monday or Tuesday. I'm really excited about all of the suggestions...thanks so much everyone.

Mother's Fear Triptych Ada

Here are the stages of Ada & Mom at this point....




Obviously lots more to do...haven't even really started the baby's face yet. I really could use lots of input on color.... I wanted to use blues in the base background to help tie it to the Contentment piece from the Relationship Cycle but I'm not sure it is working. Lots of the drawings have been covered & it looks rather cloud like. The claw form is created with reds & greens to tie it to the other two works in the triptych. At first I hated it because I felt it looked like a huge palm tree behind her but with the addition of the purples & reds it is getting better. Should I vary the sizes of the points? Color?

Mother's Fear Triptych Ada

Here is the background completely attached...the claw form is different in value because of the newspaper. The kids images are xeroxes of the originals & thus all have cold white backgrounds. If you are curious, I did have the kids sign an artist release form stating that "Mommy can copy my drawings and use them in her artwork." They felt really important... start them early with copy right.

Mother's Fear Triptych Ada

I've been doing lots of work on the last piece for the Mother's Fear Triptych. With this one I wanted (as you may recall) the background to include images of Helena & Liam's drawings with the "harsh reality" text somehow attacking the figures of the mother & child. Josh suggested letting the text take on some form & I decided to go with a claw like appearance. Above are some close ups of the background before it is attached. I start by collecting text or images then I lay them out as I've done above to plan where I want them. Next, I attach them with gel medium & then enlarge the image on the background with gesso. This is followed by painting with the oils.

Relationship Triptych thumbnails, sketches,....

HELP!! I am back to working on Disconnect from the Relationship Cycle... as you may recall it was a bust (see bottom image of this post). The colors were terrible & I was really unhappy with it. Well, I'm at the point where I need input on the image. I've redrawn the female figure & am happier with her at this point. I intentionally used myself as a model this time....even though I feel the woman's role in the work is universal, since the portfolio deals with my identity I want the work tied more to me. I've also played with the light. I want more darkness on the figures so that the beckoning light from the background is more prominent. I need real help with selecting the male for the new image. The first rough sketch shows the two male options and below are slightly more refined drawings of the female figure with the male in place.


This first sketch below has the male getting up & I really like the dynamics of the composition that it creates. The diagonals & additional focal point of the hand & fabric add to the image (I think) but the actual pose is changing the meaning of the work for me too much. Here the male is physically leaving... getting out of the union (bed, marriage, etc.) which is too strong of a break. For me, the meaning behind Disconnect is more emotional detachment and thus a part of a cycle that repeats in the relationship. If the male is physically leaving then the cycle is broken...


The image below is closer to my meaning & is much closer to the original composition but I don't think it is as dynamic because it lacks diagonals & the additional focal point to strengthen the composition. What I do like about it is that both figure are lost in their own thoughts, it is quiet & still. There will be some space above his head & the rectangular "window" will be on the right. Sorry for the mess with the tracing paper taped to the other drawing! What do you guys think? Which is stronger?

Below is the ugly original! Pink, what was I thinking?!

Photo Work Thumbnails

As I mentioned previously with the sample double exposure image of Liam, I am going to be doing some photo work using that process. Since the other bodies of work for this portfolio have been in triptych format I am intending to do the same thing with these. The rough sketches show I want to incorporate color as well. I want to do this for symbolic reasons. As I mentioned in a previous post (or was that my paper?), I feel that the media in this country has a great impact on what we fear. For example, issues or incidents that cause maternal fear (sexual abuse of a child, abduction, child abuse, etc.) are often top stories in the media due to our appetite for those types of stories. It is a catch 22; they tell the stories because they hold our attention & we are attentive to these stories because of our fears from constantly hearing these stories.



This was the first set of thumbnails for the photo double exposure work. As you can see, this was before I decided to include me in the white section.



This is too dark but you can see that now I have added myself in to the central image which is, I think, more in keeping with my theme.




For the photo triptychs I want to have 3 images...the red & blue image will be the same image toned either blue or red with Berg toner while the white image will be of me with the child being focused on in that triptych (I have plans for 3, one triptych for each child). Here you can see that the mother in the central work is smiling. This is because I have decided to use the white piece to again show childhood innocence and non-corruption by having Helena & Liam's drawings as the background text component. The red & blue pieces will both have the fear inducing text from newspapers.

Mother's Fear Triptych- Liam

Here is what Liam looks like currently... not done but a far cry from where he was. I have also started the assembly of the background for the Ada & me image which I will try & upload tonight...Ada is sick & not really letting me get a great deal done during "nap time" today.

Mother's Fear Triptych- Liam

After working on the clothes & background & some flesh work put Liam away for a day & when I returned I realized just how terrible the face was... proportions were off (look how large the eyes are in the last post as opposed to the newer ones seen here). I'm still far from finished but I need to work on another image for a few days so when I come back to this it will be fresh & I will be able to see the problems more quickly...not only that it needs to dry.